I Don't Float

and we stared into each other's eyes as we both slowly sank

claws clamoring for something to hold onto

I threw you a lifesaver, and you held it briefly before letting it go

we both wanted to be saved, to be the one to save the other

“I can hear the voice in my head screaming not to do this, but I’m doing it anyway, and I already regret it”

“this will be the only time I ever admit how much I regret it.”

“I miss you”

but I’m right here

“I wish I were strong enough to choose not to…

right now, I could choose not to.”

he won’t

but he could

the tile was cool on my face

i couldn’t get up

“I’m sorry” was all it read, and I knew he was

“Me too,” I replied

i tossed it across the room

with a pop and a fizzle, we let a raging bonfire die with an entire pile of wood inches away

he could have fed the fire, but instead, he ran fearfully into the night

knowing he’d reach out 3-14 weeks later

and knowing it would kill me

to calmly look into those gorgeous brown eyes

and say no